Good Offer …

Patient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here?

Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a train.

Patient: What happened?

Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?

Patient: Well… The bad news first…

Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient: That’s terrible! What’s the good news?

Doctor: There’s a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

Al-Gebra :)

At New York’s Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

“Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, “Gonzales said. They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.

They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, “There are 3 sides to every triangle.”

When asked to comment on the arrest, Bush said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.

^_^

Guitars or Girls

Here are 15 reasons why guitars are better than girlfriends:
01. Girls dump you. A guitar will always be there when you get home.
02. A guitar’s minimum requirement is an amp. A girl’s minimum requirement is shoes, clothes, makeup, a mirror, magazines, more shoes and a tiny handbag. And that’s every week!
03. You’ll never turn on a girl as fast as you can turn on an amp.
04. If your guitar sounds crap, you can tune it. If your girl talks crap you’re stuck with her.
05. Guitar’s, unlike girls, have volume control which goes all the way down.
06. If you play your guitar crap, it tells you its crap. It doesn’t lie and pretend you did it right when you didn’t!
07. Two girls at once is hard to come by. Double kneck guitars are not.
08. Your guitar makes a sound only when you want it to.
09. Nobody cares when you dump your old, out of date guitar for a new, younger model. In fact it’s encouraged.
10. With a guitar, you can copy tunes from other songs. With a girl, try telling her you’re copying some moves from an ex and she’ll throw you out.
11. Your guitar doesn’t refuse to let you play it once a month.
12. Your guitar will never find out if you’ve been playing another guitar behind its back.
13. You don’t have to get guitars drunk before using them.
14. You can stare at a guitar all you like, but stare at a girl too long and you’ll end up in an immense amount of pain.
15. Watching other people play the guitar is entertaining. Watching other people do it is just sick!

Stolen from Ustad Rustam’s blog

Office Survival Tips ;-)

Forwarded E-Mail ;-)

Hi,

I want to thank all my friends and other unknown people who have forwarded “chain letters” to me in 2003, 2004, 2005 and 2006.

Because of your kindness:

I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it’s good only for removing toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda , Singapore and Tokyo.

I also stopped drinking water outside for fear that I will get sick from the rat shit and urine.

When I go to parties, I don’t look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she’s been 7 since 1993…)

My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paidvacation to Disneyland.
I am still waiting for a cheque with a huge amount on it sent by Microsoft, after I forwarded those emails that are under-monitor by Microsoft, to check my speed of forwarding the emails.

I have stopped eating fried chicken from the chain of KFC as they use machined generated flesh instead of slaughtered chicken.
Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Dalai Lama, mantras and tantras etc.. Now most of those “Wishes” are already married **Angelina Jolie* *(to someone else)!

IMPORTANT NOTE:

If you do not send this e-mail to at least 913760 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will shit on your head today at 6:30 p.m and you will have 100 years of uglyness..